Confidence

[lizzy]

Hi I'm new here and have found some very interesting reading in this forum and realise at last i'm not the only one who has problems with my confidence.

I have recently bought a new horse and although regrettably not a 'SafeCob' she is a cob and very sweet natured in the stable and on the ground.

I was lucky to have the chance to have her on two weeks trial when I bought her and during that time my friends helped me put her in all sorts of situations I would want to or might meet in the future. When I tried her she was excellent in heavy traffic but the roads I have to hack on locally are narrow and extremely slippery and I have now discovered she is not keen on big tractors. I have to hack on the roads to get to any off road riding and no one locally has a menage or indoor school so its hack out or don't ride. (my paddocks are on the top of a windy chalk hill, great because they drain well in wet weather but not so good for schooling on!!)

Although I started out very 'brave' and got on well after a few sticky moments lately my nerves have been increasing and with them Molly is becoming increasingly 'spooky'. I am becoming limited to only riding if I can find someone with a quiet horse to hack with.

I have been reading a book called 'Ride with Confidence' and the chapter on self-hypnosis interested me, has anyone else tried this?

The section in the book is written by a hypnotherapist and she gives case studies which sound brilliant and she also sells self-hypnosios CD's...!!

Am I being too cynical, I'd love to think it could be that easy...

[erica&george]

Hi Lizzie,
I think you are very lucky that somebody would let you trial Molly out before you bought her. That does tend to indicate that the previous owner has confidence in her and you.
We all come up against things that scare us from time to time,sometimes anticipating problems that don't even exist (in my case!). She is still new to you and therefore the partnership won't be there yet. If she is getting jumpy it's because you are getting jumping as well. I havent' tried hypnosis but have to say even if you sort yourself out, it won't cure Molly if she is still afraid of tractors.
I have found when we have come against something frightening the best help is to start talking. This distracts the horse who will start listening to what you are saying but more importantly will calm your breathing down and hopefully relax you a bit. I normally talk about what I can see and start describing it, you could try reciting a poem or such, or even singing (now that would scare my horse!)
I don't think that there is a quick fix answer to this but certainly riding out with calm horses will help Molly and yourself. Also visiting a friendly farmer and see if he could help by letting Molly explore the tractors when you are not stressed. Believe you me, many horses are scared of tractors, delivery vans, motor bikes you name it! The only way to overcome this is with exposore to the said vehicles.
Molly sounds lovely, keep us posted.
Erika & George

[lizzy]

Erica
Thanks for your reply, I'm sure she was a genuine sale her previous owner loved her but just had too many horses, she's only 5 so still a baby and looking to me for reassurance, I hate it when I can't give it to her.

I must say because of past frights I am very quick to anticipate problems. I do try talking to her but I definitely think I should give singing a miss that would be bound to scare anything for miles!!

I have thought about getting some tractor training, but all the farmers are so busy at the moment, hence all the tractors flying about, perhaps when they have finished the harvest.

We had a good ride today , my friend's husband dropped us off in the woods and we hacked back on tracks, only having to cross one road. I've never lived anywhere as hilly before and I find steep downhill a bit scary and thats an understatement but I stuck Molly as close to Charley's bum as possible to give her/me confidence and she didn't put a foot wrong. Also after we left Charley on the way home we met a bus and she passed it without batting any eyelid, the driver was great and stopped until we were well past, I wish all drivers were as courteous.
On days like this iI wonder what I am worrying about.
Will keep you posted
Lizzy

[angie]

Hi Lizzy!

I'm still relatively new to the forum and found your confidence thread interesting. On a different thread I have been writing about my lack of confidence after being thrown, and subsequently buying an 8yr cob sold as suitable for a nervous novice. He had been 'yee-ha'd' everywhere prior to my having him, and he hots up big style on reaching grass or open spaces. A few of the forum girls gave their encouragement and advice, one piece of which was to hack out with well-behaved horses. I did this and twice he took it upon himself to bolt...leaving the very athletic arab mare I was with quite bewildered!! My already dipped confidence is now at an all time low and he has gone to a better home to a new mum with loads more experience and confidence.
I must say this has now left me feeling half like a defeatist - giving up at the first hurdle - but half like I have done the right thing for both me and him, as he won't have to put up with my nerves eminating out!!
I just want to say 'Good Luck' - you've more guts and staying power than me!!

[horselover!]

Hi Lizzy!
Sorry this is so long I have waffled on as usual!
I like you suffer with real confidence problems and I also have a youngster. When I went to try Soda I was really unsure about him as I didn't know if I wanted a youngster. However, my other horse is an ex-racehorse and although I was really unsure about him he has turned out to be safe and sane (a majority of the time-he is very sensitive so not really a novice ride as he gets a bit edgy if he is given mixed signals). So I thought I would go and see him and see what I thought as at least with young horses you are buying a blank canvas rather than with older horses buying somebody elses problems. I fell in love with Soda over the stable door and he behaved so well to ride. I rode in the school and hacked him out by himself all with no problems (he didn't even bat an eyelid at a train). We bought him and he went to a friend's to be schooled. The first time I rode him I was really nervous and he was quite jumpy. The second time we had full-on broncing and bolting. I went home in tears with a massive bruise down one leg where he crushed me against the fence. We carried on with him and he would sometimes be good and sometimes be dreadfully naughty. I was nervous every time I rode him and thought we would have to sell him. Then he began to get better as I began to get used to him. He wasn't a massive fan of big lorries or tractors so we used to wait in gateways if we thought one was coming and just quietly talk and stroke him. (Remember to take deep breaths)! I was getting more confidence on him in the arena and was enjoying hacking him when one night he rodeoed with me down the hill and bolted down the road. The woman who was schooling him was very nice but very confident so she didn' think anything of it and told me not to be silly when I said he had really frightened me. She laughed and said "Wow that was a big buck!" Umm helpful! Again I went home in tears and said to my Mum that I would never cope with him and we should sell him. Mum told me she wanted me to try once more as she thought that he was really a good horse and that he would be okay. I spent a lot of time on he lunge getting used to him and learning the best way to ride him etc. When it came time to take him home I was really nervous that he would be really naughty and wouldn't be able to cope, however he loves his new home as he has a stable and a nice big paddock with lots of other horses and he has more of a routine. I also have my instructor teaching me on him now and she is amazing at dealing with your confidence issues!
Soda is now happy, chilled and settled and I can now deal with him easily when he has a babyish moment. Even my Mum rides him and she is only just getting back into riding properly. She didn't get on well with TB because he is very sharp and bolted with her the other day, so she prefers to ride Soda now. Stay working with your horse. Don't give up. I can't imagine what I would have lost out on if I had. Babies all have their moments and when they are about 5 they are going through their naughty teenage years anyway which doesn't exactly help! When you next find somewhere you think she might spook don't tense up and panic just take a deep breath and use 'imagery.' Just envisage her walking calmly past without doing anything wrong. Trust me it works as I do it on both my horses. I also made a thread on the Safecobs Latest forum about spookiness as I was having trouble with my TB. You may find dome of the advice on it helps you with your horse. Good luck and keep us posted on how you get on.

[BessPot]

Hi All,
I used to hack out with a mare who was scared of tractors and lorries. She used to wait until they were right next to hear, spin round and then plough into us and gallop off down the road. No fun because at the time my mare was still young and impressionable. She used to be a diamond and if she was on her own she was fine but in the company of this other mare she used to get flattened at least once every ride. You didn't mention how your mare reacts. I hope it's not quite as extreme as this as it is no fun having those experiences on the road. Positive reinforcement is always good. As with my mare this became a learned behaviour but she soon got over it when she realised that the other mare wasn't there to frighten her. Stick with her, she will learn that it is not scary.

[bcde811]

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